停滞了

开始上课的第六周，热情退却，在学校里不是很认真的听了，听懂过去，听不懂也不着急心慌了，更加不积极去对话，去探索，去发现，去建立关系了，倦怠期么？从昨天的热情膨胀，又到了今天德疲倦迷茫，还有一点儿害怕。

有的人很好，像是Tom，nice，easy。他慢慢的说话让对方感觉舒服。但是很多小孩儿就不一样了，像是Andi，Rose盛气凌人，我是被他们吓到了，本来他们就带着口音（可能是他们引以为豪的口音）他们还飞快的交流，本来抓不到信息就已经让我很紧张了，他们的阵势是真的把我吓到了。如果被Andi和Rose吓到是昨天的结束的话，我肯定会觉得很糟糕的回家。但是和Tom的交流，让我发现，不是完全我糟糕，也有他们盛气凌人的成分在啊。Tom又给我自信，他很认真的听我的意见。

要多和人交流，要保持热情哦，不要让热情却退。

I will be good. Am on the way to be good!

Every time I don't feel well. I come here. I don't feel well. Shame for myself. I lost the entusison to talk with new people and lost in Chinese group. I am silly, and cannot control the conversation. I am in control of my life. I am tired. And not sure about future.

I will work harder and harder, let this Australian people like me. I will be good!

深刻反省Youtube行为，耻辱。

我怎么变成这样了，整天把这些想法放在脑子里，想的是怎么讨别人喜欢，怎么来亲近人，怎么能够获得爱情。感情应该是顺其自然的事情，我要把这件事情忘掉，忘记忘记。然后集中注意力在我的学习上，在这个过程中我会收获我想要的。感情的事情，自然会走进来我的生活的。更多的是需要专注自己的生活。生活还是比较有线条的，只是我努力的不够。今天晚上的group meeting之后，我会更好的规划我的生活。再次强调目标，收拢心性。

那个纯净害羞的女孩儿哪里去了？

那个自信霸气的女孩儿那里去了？

那个执念倔强的女孩儿哪里去了？

我喜欢我拍干净的照片，喜欢我写温暖犀利的文章，喜欢我听安静的音乐，喜欢我沉静于叶动风声，我喜欢之前的我。现在的我迷失在chaos。我欣赏之前的我。

之前的我认为任何思想是可以分析的，我认为我的分析是有价值的。而现在我认为，任何思想都不可以解读，不可以全部捕捉，而任何解读都是弄巧成拙。另一个人的思想原本是完整的，人或者作品本身就是对自身最好诠释，作品替自己说话，人替自己说话。你再去诠释，只能是断章取义。这样的想法会助长自己的无力感，迷茫感。

要改变为：分析思想的价值不在于分析的过程和结果本身，诠释的内容仍旧没有意义。但是思维的过程是新思想，新的个人完整性形成的过程。每一次分析和试图诠释不是目的，而是途径。这样即解决了长期忽视外在新思想的危险，又不流于毁坏别人思想的自大盲目。

Grow quickly.

The more I feel uncomfortable, the faster I will grow. I measure myself by week. This is the begin of third week. I have been here three weeks, and the whole new week is beginning. How fast I will grow depends on myself.

I will have this girl. I am sure!

Cheer up!

Here is a kind of my daily confirmation! I spit out bad feelings, find peace and cheer up myself.

Here is my new place now.

Feel bad for me and Emma.

Some time you just in bad luck. You cannot find a job, you cannot find room, you cannot finish your course. It seems that everything does not go the way you want them. You have bad feelings. You are embarrassed. You feel you are use less. You blame yourself why you did not try to help yourself out.

You asked too much now. Her consider is reasonable. They already gave me a generous offer, I should not go further to make her refuse. I did not consider things from their view. Have fewer people in house is also good for me. I also want a quiet environment. That's also from the consideration of safety. They have babies.

What I should do is settle down and do not ask people to give me too much help. And I will make Shara likes me.

I will be good. I am helping myself out.

Put other people's unhappy things aside. And make myself better.

Sydney University student wins Rhodes Scholarship - News and Events - University of Sydney

Sydney University student wins Rhodes Scholarship - News and Events - University of Sydney

It seems she has the